Over the last few years I have been chasing a better body and better health but it feels as though it keeps slipping through my fingers. I work hard and eat well and I start to see results, start feeling better then something changes. I lose motivation, or get frustrated, I allow myself to be lead down the path of destruction and before I know it I have fallen off the “wagon” and face first into a giant pile of delicious Chocolate Lindt Balls (Coconut and Peanut butter being my particular favourite). Moderation goes out the window and my inner binge eater comes alive with a vengeance – whispering sweet nothings to me “EAT IT ALL”… “EAT ME, EAT ME NOW”. Before I know it I’m shocked out of the moment almost unaware that I have just devoured a small kingdom of chocolate.
My mother raised me and 3 of my (5) brothers from age 8. We had little money and survival was the key. Growing up I showed promising sporting ability but never found the place or sport I truly fit in. For years I have kept a good distance away from truly achieving or fighting for anything that would make me truly happy, always fearful I wouldn’t be able to afford it or lacking the gumption to truly stick it out to the end and reap the rewards. Sadly I carried this same mentality around with me for the greater part of my life. Not realising I am the only one who can drive my own change, the decision is mine, the action in mine and mine alone. On top of this I was plagued by the deep seeded belief that I was not good enough and didn’t deserve the healthy body and life I was seeking. This simply was not true, not for me or for YOU!
When I made the switch from a job where I stood most of the day to an office job where I was on my butt all day, I put on 20+ kilos in a space of only a few years (I know I’m not the only one this has happened too). I continually surrendered to office pressure and without realising at the time I was being led down an unhealthy path by people I worked with who wanted me to dwell in their misery; more often than not I accepted the offer not realising what was going on. When I came back to reality, I realised I was surrounded by poisonous food and poisonous people. I have chosen a new active life in the fitness industry. I no longer want to dwell in the dark crevices of an office building.
Over this time my physical and emotional state suffered to varying degrees. I struggled working a toxic environment, which then leeched into my relationship with my partner (we sorted it out and he’s now my fiancée YEY) and with coming to terms with my childhood. Gradually my body shape began to change too; it began to reflect the years of poor diet and self-loathing. I began to get uncomfortable in my own skin often unwilling to leave the house.
I have made a various attempts over the years to achieve the healthy life I have so desperately craved, and at times come very close. I found weight training about 5 years ago, and fell in love a little. I had come across an environment where I was comfortable. I was naturally strong from years of play fighting with my brothers and it felt amazing. I gradually started to see changes not only in my body, in my mind; I was clearer and more confident overall. However, I like so many other women out there we continually put our needs last. We prioritise everything else before our own health. NO MORE, I am here; I am back and with vengeance to prove what I am capable of.
This is just the tip of the iceberg, I want to share with you all my very real life changing story as it happens. The challenges I face and the success I have. I want to inspire you all to stop living in the shadows of binge eating and self loathing. Be brave and break free with me.